Here we are in 2015 and I’m so very excited, so very thankful, to be actively in a new year. This feeling of excitement is the exact feeling that comes over me upon opening a new journal. As I flick through the blank white pages, I think of all of the color that I can add via pen, crayon, color pencils or the occasional tea and grease stain.
When looking back at my journals (and I’ve never totally completed one) they provide me with physical and spiritual maps to where I’ve been, the life experiences I’ve had and have to offer my community, and where I’d like to go next on this journey called life. What my 2014 journal says to me is that I was selfish and self-centered. For this I make no apologies. I needed to heal, I needed to grow, I need my cocoon in which I could nestle inside and relearn the art of loving myself. I danced, sang, ran (1 marathon, 3 half marathons, 1 mud run and countless miles doing training runs by myself and with my West Side Sole Sisters), laughed, cried, mourned, and shifted my own reality.
What happened for me during this time was more extraordinary than I could have ever dreamed. The universe and its people started to open up to me. Miracles, yes, miracles started to happen. Once I became happy with myself, it gave others permission and room to also love me. Love draws, hate repels. Love opens conversations; hate ceases all discussions – causing wars and horrible misunderstanding. Love builds, hate tears down. Love opens boarders and hate creates barrier after barrier.
At 40, I wrestle with the passivity of the phrase “falling in love”. For me, love requires me to do something, to actively love. Therefore, love is a conscious decision that a person awakens with morning after morning and decides to do or not do every day. For example, I am actively participating in love when I cook for my family, while bopping to the tunes of my old school music. I am loving when I shovel the snow on my block, instead of just in front of my own doorstep, even when no one else returns the favor. My love isn’t boxed in by someone’s response to it. Love just requires that I do it. Needless to say, choosing to love can be difficult, requires complete vulnerability and, sometimes, a stretch of the imagination. Can you imagine a world where people are so entranced with reimaging love? I can.
In 2014 I got up morning after morning with the question of how to best love myself, reimaging love for myself. For 2015, I want to extend that question and ask “How can I best love myself while, simultaneously, loving others?”
What I propose is a grandiose idea with small acts that back it, small acts that filter love out into the universe. “40 Acts of Love” to be precise. With these baby steps of shifting out of my cocoon of self-love by filtering that internal love to those around me, I’m hoping to transmute so much hate going on in my day to day environment. I’ll blog about love, take pictures of love and, most importantly, I’ll LOVE- LOVE!
Well, I’m excited and feeling all orgasmic. How about you? Here’s to 2015!